What to Do with Circumstances Beyond our Control
These last few weeks have felt chaotic and like it’s just one thing after another, after another… As I mentioned in previous posts, I recently started back to work full-time in clinic, after my second maternity leave. That same week, my husband started back to work full-time as well. And, both our kids were transitioning to new and full-time daycares. We expected it to be a hustle and a big change of pace, we planned as best we could with lunches and dinners and clothes and bedtime routines, and there were a few glitches but we were trucking along.
And then, at 2 a.m. Thursday morning of that first week of busyness, one of our hot water pipes sprang a leak and flooded out the dining room ceiling and kids’ play area downstairs. And then, very early on Saturday morning, in the other end of the house, a completely different pipe cracked and flooded the ensuite bathroom, half of our bedroom, and the kitchen below. We fixed the leaks and decided it was time to re-pipe our entire home, as, clearly our current plumbing system had reached the end of its ability to hold water.
So, we held fast to our routines, simplified where we could, worked, sent kids to daycare, pulled up damaged floors, cut holes in walls and ceilings and replaced pipes in the slivers of time outside of work and parenting.
And then the following week, my daughter got the sniffles. Now, normally this wouldn’t be a big deal, but during this time of COVID-19, a runny nose can not be ignored. So, she was home from daycare, I was home from work, and the COVID testing began. A couple days later, I developed her cold, so the COVID testing continued. A couple days later, her brother developed her cold… you get the gist. Now, I am more thankful than words can express that this was simply a fall cold, and our recoveries will be brief and complete. But with respect to work and childcare, a cold is no longer something you just medicate and power through.
I don’t know what day of the week it is anymore, I don’t know who’s allowed to go where, I don’t know what random things my son has dropped down the various holes in our walls, or if I’ll ever see those things again. What I do know, is that I haven’t worked in over a week. I know I feel terrible about letting down my employer and my colleagues over a simple cold, though they have all been absolutely gracious and understanding and we all appreciate how important it is to ensure everyone’s safety. I know it is going to take months to get our house dried-out and fixed-up and patched-up and, when the next owners open up the walls for some reason, they will probably find baby toys and the spare set of keys to our 1998 Civic which, with any luck at all, will still be running in 2030.
The other thing I know, is that this will happen again. Life will throw us more curve-balls. We will be trucking along, doing the best we can, and circumstances beyond our control will force us to change and adapt. The surprise may come from the house, the car, our job, our health or that of a loved-one. When circumstanced beyond our control throw us off-course, we feel powerless. The temptation is to either grab on with both hands, fists clenched tight to try and control everything, and force life back onto the path we expected it to follow. Or, to let go of everything, throw away the reins, and as we’re made to walk away from the path we had planned, we also walk away from the rhythms and routines and self-care that got us here and have served us well.
The trick, when navigating uncharted and unexpected times, is to be able to differentiate the things we can control from the things we can’t. And then, and this is the hard part, to gracefully let go of the things we can’t control. I know, the temptation is so strong to try and force circumstances to align with our expectations, but we waste so much energy doing this. And then, when we can’t bend reality in the direction we need it to go, we get understandably upset, and we give up more energy. Energy that could be better spent on controlling the things that we are truly able to influence and that contribute to strength and resiliency. Things like our morning routines, where we work, who we choose to be friends with, what social media inputs we accept into our brains, the foods we eat, how we spend our money. We must actively choose to control things that will build us up, make us more adaptable, feed our souls.
As vets, we are experts at problem-solving, trouble-shooting, outsmarting circumstances, it’s in our nature and it’s why we’re so good at what we do. Because the stakes are often high and we take the responsibility of our jobs so seriously, I think recognizing and accepting things beyond our control can be really, really challenging for us. But if we can do it, at work and in life, it will free us up to put our energy where it really can make a difference, and it will fortify us for the next unexpected and completely uncontrollable circumstance that’s bound to come our way. whether it’s a positive opportunity or a challenging hurdle.
Sometime this week, maybe on your commute, or your lunch break (haha—what’s that, right?!) or while you’re falling asleep, I encourage you to really think about the things you can control, and the things you can’t. You might be surprised by your realizations.